There are the helpful and the helpless. Most of us see these aspects as a natural cycle that repeats itself. If we take a closer look we realize that everyone has a strong predilection towards one aspect or the other.
I see myself as being more helpful than helpless. I see a problem and work my way to helping fix it. This might be a personal trait where I feel that someone else’s needs outweigh my own whether it be an aspect of their own life or work related. I have found that those struggling to resolve their own problems are usually incapable of working through them due to some sort of flaw in reasoning or by being emotionally involved in their situation.
There have been times when I too have been emotionally involved in my own situations. During these times, I have reached out for help and recieved it. Due to the emotions involved, it may have not been the help that I wanted but it was the help that I needed. Always, this help has been from others who are adequately equipped in being able to help themselves.
The people that I remember the most are always those who cannot help themselves. Maybe this is just an aspect of focus, because I hardly spend as much time thinking about those who don’t need my help. The helpless are memorable not because of any redeeming quality but because I usually go out of my way in order to help them. Sometimes though, even when I do help them, they still require my help. This process has at times escalated to the point where those that I have helped frequently in the past come to utterly depend on me, thus becoming another would-be enabler for their codependency.
Are the helpless incapable of actually receiving genuine help because they are incapable of giving it? I have often wondered about this as I have witnessed it several times. Someone, usually run aground on their life or times, asks for help and manages to get their issue(s) resolved only to go back on the same self-depreciating habits that causes the situation to repeat itself. The situations rarely change, only the people involved and the order in which events play out.
There is nothing wrong with being a helpful person. Those that are helpful are the ones that end up making the environment in which they are planted a better place. Usually, there is a group of helpful individuals that band together with their combined experiences in order to help resolve situations that the other may not be able to resolve. Helpers helping helpers… What I caution though, is to be wary of the types of people who ask for help while being unwilling to help themselves first.
Those unwilling to help themselves have a pattern that I’ve noticed. In their past, there has always been someone that has helped them along, whether it be a parent, family member, significant other, mentor, etc. Instead of these helpers giving them the requisite advice for past situations, they simply take care of the problem for them, undermining the learning points. Over time, this teaches that “if I ever have a problem, I can just get someone else to do it for me.” As they grow older, their situations become ones that “always happen to them” instead of them causing the situations. Those who fail to learn the lesson are doomed to repeat it has never rang truer than in this type of setting.
Be cautious of the helpless and scrutinize if its really because they are ill-equipped to deal with the situation or if they are looking for another enabler for their self-depreciating habits. This type of helpless individual is always the one that is a drain to be around and makes the same mistakes over and over. As many times as I have tried, you can never help those who are unwilling to help themselves.